WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
