im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I'd cum for enchiladas.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
