do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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