Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
