Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
