I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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