I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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