I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Drunk is not a location!
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
