we made out on top of his cat.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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