there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Sober January is a disaster.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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