I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
You don't make any sense
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