I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
We need to get me chipped asap
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
