Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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