38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
