I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
