I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
