he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
