i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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