Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
