I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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