saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
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