Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
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