i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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