3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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