I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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