Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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