I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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