My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
