we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
