i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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