That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
