Dude my mom stole all your condoms
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
