is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Randomize
