1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize