I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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