i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
