Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
