Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I came so hard my ears popped.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
