I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Randomize