I want to make a zoo with you.
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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