after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Randomize
