I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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