Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize