So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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