i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
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