porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize