guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Randomize
