wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
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