Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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