shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Randomize
