So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
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