Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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