god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
