chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
