Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I think I am morally bankrupt
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
