just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
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