dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I have post one night stand depression
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
