im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I looked at my own cervix.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
