It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
