Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
There are leaves in my underwear?
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