so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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