I must be too annoying 4 u.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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