We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I have post one night stand depression
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
