I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
