But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Randomize
