He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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