it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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