Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Randomize
