Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
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