somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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