I can tuck mytits in my pants
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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