Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
