Even water is tasting like jack daniels
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Randomize
