why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
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