theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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