You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
