I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
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