I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
