Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I just found puke in my bra..
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize