i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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