we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
