I love having hate sex.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Randomize
