went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Randomize
