i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Randomize