i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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