how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Randomize
