I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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