i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
