maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
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