Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
