if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Randomize
