My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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