Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
