The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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