Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
