idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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