Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Everclear isn't food dammit
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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