I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
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