I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
