Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
