I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
