im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize