i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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